Hedge your bets! Bauer. Gscene Magazine. May 2015

Hedge your bets                      Gscene Magazine                  May 2015

So, as we edge our way to a new election we learn that Mr. Cameron senior had been hedging his funds, tax free, for the benefit of his sons political future. Nothing wrong with this, unless that son then goes (with complicit banks) into the bank accounts of the low paid and unemployed looking for ‘unpaid tax’. What are politics coming to when we can’t even trust our elected elders? I expect prime ministers to be honest decent chaps (and a woman). The real problem is, just as this was kept aside for the run up to the election by the opposition, which is only supposedly fair politics, we’re left with an obvious embarrassing fact we will end up doing nothing about.

Oh dear - direct proof that the system of bankers and hedge funders (who have screwed the financial system) have also been bankrolling the Prime Minister. How embarrassing is that. And what’s worse, that the Prime Minister has been paying them back to save the ‘country’ - because of the low interest rates - with ‘quantitative easing’. Or basically giving the bankers back the money that is ours and that they’ve publically squandered. Strange that it was immediately after Thatcher abandoned the tax controls in 1979, within a few weeks of her being in power, that Ian Cameron, father of David, started redirecting his wealth to tax havens around the world. Anyway. What can WE possibly do about that? We should all go online and vent our spleens. Then we can do dinner.

Why can’t they quantitavely ease the NHS with a few billion? Surely that’s more important than bankers salaries? I’m not complaining, but this week I’m at the end of a 6^th month wait for a tonsillectomy. I know that my pub singing days are over, but I’m less and less able to rasp even an order for a do-nut these days. But I was prepared to wait it out because there is no way that I’ll criticize that system, just the powers that are starving it out of existence. And all of us here at Bauer International believe the wait for surgery has been worth it and since it’s only a quick snip, I’ll be singing again as soon as the anesthetic wears off. Of course I’m sure that when I do come round I may see less nurses, doctors and equipment than before I went under. But at least I managed to get it done before the new NHS pay structure comes in. Although we shouldn’t worry, the miniscule amount we will pay our GP’s for basic services will remain in place for years to come, we’re told.

Or, perhaps, it may just increase on a sliding scale like other countries, slowly rising up and up until insurance companies have to come on board (for those who can afford it) just to pay for a tetanus or a course of Amoxicillin. Then the drug companies will see their arses and start to hike the low-price, non-generic drugs up and up, because they can and because the insurance companies will be paying. Then before you know it a single visit to the GP will cost in access of £200, but you wont worry because the insurance (that you only pay £100 per month for) will be covering it! Bargain!

Nothing new. It’s what every Tory government has been trying to make us head towards since the 1950’s, so why change it now. If only they could do a reverse tonsillectomy on the front bench and sew them all closed, I’d cough-up for that.

The fact that we may have another round of Tory government is depressing, but not unexpected. Political apathy and lack of voter turnout is dreadful in our country. And, for some reason, having some form of camaraderative discourse online still placates everybody into a feeling of solidarity. Unfortunately, that doesn’t put a dint in the side of public and private policy, it just makes everyone feel a bit better in themselves. Until the next time. 

However people, portable media now means that you can actually leave home and contribute. You can surf for porn anywhere, even on demonstrations. You can even play games on demonstrations. You can involve yourself in your online fabulous identity and social media sites AS you demonstrate. You can even do a selfie on the march from the Houses of Parliament and if you want to. And you can caption it “Look everyone I care! I really care! #Ireallycaresolikemeyoubastard #lovinglondon

You can now leave the house and take the computer with you, so there’s no big sacrifice anymore. This is particularly important for young people trying to top up their bank accounts online to pay university fees.

So, as they roll me in on the gurney I’ll be grateful. Grateful for the NHS and grateful that I managed to convince my GP to refer me and my tonsils for surgery before we reach the point where I have to pay him a back-hander.