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Tuesday, 18 November 2014

How I murdered Matthew Shepard. Bauer. Gscene Magazine. December 2014


How I murdered Matthew Shepard


Here I am reading about the furor surrounding the ‘investigative journalist, TV producer and authority figure’, Stephen Jimenez, who has spent ten years interviewing people about the crucifixion of 21 year old Matthew Shepard. Spending all that time seemingly trying to prove that it even though Matthew was gay, he was not killed because of it.

Some coincidence, because last week, two young men - obviously gay because they were singing songs from Wicked on the back of a Manchester tram - were followed by fifteen thugs and beaten to a pulp. Had they been singing football songs they may have been spared - show tunes apparently a good gay reason to beat the crap out of someone. This follows a litany of supposed liberal-left bashing beginning with my broadcasting associate, Bill Maher. Gosh, the US neo-communists and UK terrafeminists are so frigging tetchy.

Matthew Shepard - who’s memory Obama signed the 2009 Matthew Shepard anti-hate Act for; Matthew Shepard whose legacy is about hate crime irrespective of gender; Matthew Shepard, who up until the recent publication of Stephen Jimenez’s, The Book of Matt: Hidden Truths about the Murder of Matthew Shepard, was the poster boy for homo hatred, having been both gay and crucified. This same book ‘uncovered’ that one of his executors was gay and there was, shock, drugs involved on all sides. (See how evil these male homos really are? Drugs!) That Matthew Shepard was from an affluent family, (he had it so good - what’s he doing sucking dodgy chode?) He was apparently gang raped by men in Morocco (not a potential for all gay men by virtue of the way some of us have sex?). And the beat goes on…
Coinky-dinky, this week I’m off to see Party Monster and the new documentary which highlights the life and the release from prison of gay male gay murderer Michael Alig, the original club kid, who killed his lover and drug dealer Angel Melendez in 1996. A ketamine death. A gay, male, sex drug, death. Tut tut.
But maybe it’s our lives as outsiders that are to blame - and I stand alongside my gay, male, murdering brothers here. Don’t forget that everyone’s equal in the sauna – so, whether Matthew Shepard was rich or whether he courted dangerous gay men or whether he took drugs is therefore not in question. It’s moot.
Just maybe it’s because he grew up gay, not male, that made him buy all the drugs in the first place and hang out with the degenerate low-lifers - and those degenerates with him. Perhaps, just perhaps, he had a crap life irrespective of the privilege - because he was gay. Maybe, it was his life as a gay man that lead to his murder by another gay man. Maybe it was Matthew’s closet life in Saudi and the lonely journey many gay men seem to have that lead to his execution. Because this is what both Matthew Shepard and Angel Melendez actually represent whether they had been executed by their assailants or by Aileen Wuornos (as tricks), Myra Hindley (as children) Karla Homolka (“It was my husband who killed my sister”) Rosemary West (“It was all my husband’s doing”) Mary Bell (But I’m still a child myself) Ruth Ellis (he deserved to die because he didn’t love me). Margaret Thatcher (Murderer of hope, perfectly placed to add more women to her cabinet…)
The mystery remains. Can women and homosexual men be as cruel and evil as heterosexual homophobic racist misogynists? Interesting? You decide. You can see with all the evidence above that we’re all somehow culpable…
I’m both Matthew and his murderer. Live with it.

Perhaps, just perhaps, given the permanent lack of acceptance of male homosexuality, Matthews death was the result of enduring drug use? Tsk - of course it was. Drugs are and have been a way of coping with the shackles of life sometimes before you even get a chance to live it. Matthew had that crucifix on his back the moment he knew he was gay. To reduce this tragedy into gender blame is an execution in itself.
This book and subsequent ‘free’ comment, states a plethora of terrible accusations that so many of my fellow gay travellers live with and refuse to deny. First that Gay men take significant sexual risks – yes to that. It states that Matthew was HIV+ at the time of his death. (Is this really still used as a hate salvo about gay men’s sexual practice?) OK, so he was a drug fuelled, disparate, HiFIve queer who courted danger. Yes, but there was apparently a shipment of Crystal Meth that the murderers wanted to steal from Matthew. Hang on, so, a drug fuelled, 21 year old, desperate HIV+, drug dealer supporting his habit? I’m sorry, this sounds like a place that so many of my gay brothers are, or have been in, at some point. This goes with the very fabric of many gay mens lives. Apparently, according to Jimenez, “This does not make the perfect poster boy for the gay-rights movement.” Oh, I think it does, Stevie.

All of this is the apparently justifiable reason why Matthew died. Because of his life as a gay man. Because of the trajectory so many gay men take during their sometimes shitty time on this planet. The price of being removed from the male and female heteronorm.

These lives (my life) according to some haters - both male and female, are good enough reason not to support advocating services for the protection of young gay men. Like not giving money to Band Aid because you’ve just found out that not every child in Africa is starving. Or perhaps that every recently dead Palestinian baby is, by definition, a dead jihadist.


I’m both Matthew and his murderer. Live with it.



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