Burn Hollywood Burn. Bauer. GScene magazine. September 2013

Burn Hollywood Burn


When asked about ‘Realism’ in the movies, the writer Dorothy Parker famously replied “The only ‘ism’ Hollywood believes in is ‘Plagiarism’”

Hiding all things Queer in Hollywood has gone on since the first moving images were recorded. By the time the 1933 Greta Garbo ‘Queen Christina’ movie about a lesbian monarch was released, there was anything but a whiff of dykery to be seen. This was even a full year before they would legally have to put the queer reins on with the hysterically titled 1934 ‘Legion of Decency’ code. Eventually, a plethora of other ‘issues’ were needed to mask Queer themes to keep them away from the ‘easily offended’. The problem became how to get around the ‘Homo problem’ and still maintain a high level of drama and persecution.

In the movie Crossfire, they turned all the queer-bashing and murder from the book into anti-Semitism. Same thing, apparently. Same with ‘The Lost Weekend’ when Ray Milland morphed from a man wrestling with his sexual identity, into that of a raging alcoholic - well, if the glove fits… Thank goodness we live in more evolved times.

Isn’t it great that we now have movies like ‘Milk’ and ‘Brokeback Mountain’ to finally weigh up those old queer scores? Isn’t it groovy that the mainstream has finally embraced Queer culture? And how swell it is when films like ‘Malcolm X’ fore-front issues of contemporary black identity and remind the world that the struggle is far from over. And that ‘Shindlers’ List’ is actually an eternal reminder of what happens when the hatred of a single race acquires a political platform?

I actually think that all these films should be part of an enforced global school curriculum to keep all the haters and revisionists at bay. Unless there is ever going to be a Gay Nation of Islam remake of Malcolm X, that is.

And I’m not saying that boardroom Hollywood is homophobic. Not xenophobic, sexist, racist, anti-Muslim either. But Hollywood has never been the pioneer of the underdog. The saying goes that there is no ‘Pink’ dollar’ in Hollywood, and no ‘Black’ dollar either. In Hollywood there is only THE dollar, and whoever walks in the door with it gets to stay. And when there is no money honey, there is no Hollywood selling someone’s idea of freedom. And so Hollywood falls.

Since the Internet has taken hold, Hollywood has become nothing more than a slow money grab - just take a look at the garbage it churns out today. The only bonus being that, since Hollywood no longer controls distribution, (hurrah to Netflix) other narratives are free to spread. Great for us, sad for the executives who now have to find someone else to fleece.

In the current post-capitalist period, Hollywood has even more to get it just ‘right’ - the right combination of sex, violence, ambiguity etc. so that they can get the maximum audience into the cinema seats. The real prize is getting an audience where grandpa takes grandson to the cinema – meaning that the product can be sold to everyone in between. But increasingly, if any films don’t fill these quadrants, i.e. have ‘minority subjects’ like Queers in them - then they just don’t get financed. Unless Matt Damon agrees to star, that is. This is why there’s so much shite at your local Multiplex and why Lucas and Spielberg have been freaking out stating that; if a few more $200 million movies fold, then it’ll be the end of $200 million dollar movies. Bring it on, I say.

But it’s not only about the Dorothy Parker plagiarism issues and stealing of ideas - it’s also the ‘normalizing’ of those ideas where the damage really lies. Let’s face it if Hollywood could get away with turning Nelson Mandela white, they’d book Leonardo DiCaprio in advance.

Even in its demise, Hollywood is still viewed as being all about good ideas and a platform for the people whose voices have been suppressed. Realistically any real trace of this went away with the blacklist. And I’m not being hypothetical here.  In addition, a colleagues serialized novel, ‘The man who,’ has been withdrawn from this magazine for ongoing legal reasons. This ‘gay’ story written ten years ago (and lifted five years later) has become the latest chapter of heterosexualised Hollywood. Yes, the gay sperm donor and all the complications surrounding him all those years ago, has now become not only straight but indeed anal – if only to get more bums on seats. (Make your own decision whether you prefer the ‘homosexual’ book or the ‘heterosexual’ film later this year). But either way thank god it will be one of the last Hollywood movies you’ll probably ever see. Besides the slated remake of ‘Lassie’ which goes into production next year, that is.

When I say that Hollywood has lost control of their distribution model to the internet, read it as everyone else’s ‘artistic freedom’. It means any of us can make a movie that has a chance of becoming a hit. And there are enough sassy, queer, off-Hollywood films in production - Michael Urie’s ‘Such Good People’ springs to mind - to keep us all going. So, as the studios struggle to keep up the heterosexual front end, the queers are doing what we know best – using the back door. For those at the top, it’s well and truly over because there’s finally a drive from the ‘bottom up’ and sometimes, as we all know, that hurts like hell. So, let’s welcome the new underdog movies that are surfacing, offering us all a different ‘Queer.’

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BURN HOLLYWOOD BURN. BAUER. GSCENE MAGAZINE. SEPTEMBER 2013